What worked well for me was how little of this world needs an obvious villain. People follow procedures, complete forms, use approved language, or make reasonable accommodations. Marcus is unsettling because he's not weak or foolishāhe's just rearranged himself with prudent choices. This makes the world more believable than if everyone enforcing it was openly monstrous.
I liked the restraint in world-building. You rarely explain how things became this way; instead, we discover it through Daniel's coffee, commute, university, and conversations. By the time we realize how much has changed, it feels normal to everyone inside. This is an effective, unsettling way to start the story.
That may be one of the best things one writer can hear from another, Sisyphus. Thank you.
And I think your restraint is what made it possible. You trusted the reader to notice what was wrong with the world instead of stopping to explain why. That made me want to keep looking closer.
You built the clues. I just enjoyed following them. š
You are exactly the reader I am hoping to find. You follow the clues, you notice the setup, and you think about what you read. I am looking forward at exploring your work too.
I think one of the best relationships a writer can have with a reader is built on trustāthe writer trusts us enough to leave clues rather than explain everything, and the reader trusts the writer enough to keep looking.
You gave me a world that rewarded paying attention, so following the trail was a pleasure.
And Iām genuinely glad youāll be exploring Timberline, too. I suspect we may have some very good conversations ahead. š
"Iām going to need you to complete a voluntary disclosure form." That does not sound like fun at all and in New York of all places. Great story!
Thank you, I am so happy you like it! If you feel like sharing this story with other readers, restacks and recommendations on your page go a long way.
Deeply unsettling read š loved it!
Thank you! If you would like to help others discover it, restacks and Substack recommendations are highly appreciated...
What worked well for me was how little of this world needs an obvious villain. People follow procedures, complete forms, use approved language, or make reasonable accommodations. Marcus is unsettling because he's not weak or foolishāhe's just rearranged himself with prudent choices. This makes the world more believable than if everyone enforcing it was openly monstrous.
I liked the restraint in world-building. You rarely explain how things became this way; instead, we discover it through Daniel's coffee, commute, university, and conversations. By the time we realize how much has changed, it feels normal to everyone inside. This is an effective, unsettling way to start the story.
Thank you! Itās so great when a reader really understands what you are doing.
That may be one of the best things one writer can hear from another, Sisyphus. Thank you.
And I think your restraint is what made it possible. You trusted the reader to notice what was wrong with the world instead of stopping to explain why. That made me want to keep looking closer.
You built the clues. I just enjoyed following them. š
You are exactly the reader I am hoping to find. You follow the clues, you notice the setup, and you think about what you read. I am looking forward at exploring your work too.
Sisyphus means a great deal to me. Thank you.
I think one of the best relationships a writer can have with a reader is built on trustāthe writer trusts us enough to leave clues rather than explain everything, and the reader trusts the writer enough to keep looking.
You gave me a world that rewarded paying attention, so following the trail was a pleasure.
And Iām genuinely glad youāll be exploring Timberline, too. I suspect we may have some very good conversations ahead. š
I absolutely agree, and I look forward to our conversations
Likewise, Sisyphus. š Thereās something special about finding another writer who enjoys both leaving breadcrumbs and following them.
I have a feeling weāre going to give each other plenty to think about. Looking forward to it.